Ghosts
by Atheniandream
Summary: Episode Add-on for 7.13 Inevitable. "He wonders how he got here..." Harvey & Donna POV.


_*Episode Add-on for 7.13*_

. . . ...

Ghost. 1/1

... .. ..

 ** _Through the blackened skies_**

 ** _All my wounds are opened up_**

 ** _They won't heal without your love_**

 ** _Try to clear my troubled mind_**

 ** _Too many times_**

 _. . ..._

Harvey Specter wanders on autopilot, like a puppet guided on strings, each footstep feeling paper light, as if he's not in touch with the many flights beneath him, and merely floating, meters up above the ground in the pitch of the night. The only thing to keep him moving is to dislodge the abrupt heaviness in his chest. That vein of sharpness in his heart that catches the restless soul in him enough to guide him back to his apartment. Not a home.

Home is a person, he realises now. Not a destination.

He closes the door behind him with an idle hand, his foggy head drowning out the loud bang of the door as it closes him off to the world. He blinks several times, lifting a hand to flick at the lightswitch to his right, engulfing his hallway in golden light, shutting out the blue glare from the darkened sky.

 _He wonders how he got here... in every meaning of the word._

 _Alone_ , again, and not for the first time. But the first time that it truly hurts. Like he's a mortally wounded animal, accepting it's fate, closing those last breathes in the pouring dark. The pain he feels doesn't seem to match the action, though. And he knows, deep within himself, that his actions tonight were right.

Paula isn't _the one_. No matter how much he wished for it.

 _That person is..._

He dashes the thought, feeling that throb once more. Something dank and dreaded pulling on his psyche.

It's what the action represents, that causes this feeling to course within him.

The fact that he just ended his most serious relationship, because of a person...who doesn't want him like that it...

He comes to a halt then, the nail truly hitting.

 _The truth in his heart is heavier than a thousand lies on his back._

He looks around himself then, taking in his surroundings. In the apartment he earned. Earned with every second beating right next to her. Nothing his truly his. Some shared, and some mistaken.

And she's over everything, even the things that she hasn't touched. There are vague images...half-memories of her, lying in a bed she's never even set a foot on. He's watched her wander from the kitchen in _his_ shirt, handing him a cup that she's barely drunk out of.

She is the ghost in his life, and now in his heart, it seems.

 _And he's completely tied to her. In every single way._

He frowns, harder, and deeper with every muscle in his face as he stalks towards the bedroom, passing into the bathroom, toeing off his shoes and placing his phone on the bathroom counter, shedding his jacket and suits pants, and every other garment until he is completely naked, but no lighter. He moves into the cubicle, and turns the shower on full blast.

He feels the steam gather, and the water pour, and he just takes it. Letting the sprays soak every single inch of him, head to toe. It's frustration and irreverence and acceptance all in one. The water is hard and hot and close to scolding.

His hands reach out, spreading palm to tile, as the water pelts every single muscle on his back.

 _He can't stand for her to leave him, and yet, he has no way out of wanting her._

He is trapped between the two.

 _The water clouds up the room so he cannot see her. So that she doesn't haunt him. For now._

 _But her voice,_

 _And her words are etched under his skin._

 _And he cannot burn them out._

.. . ..

. . . ...

 ** _In the night I lay awake_**

 ** _A shadow danced across my face_**

 ** _A silver line that I could trace_**

 ** _Growing fainter_**

 ** _All we said is set in stone_**

 ** _Can't forget the words you spoke_**

 ** _Echoing through empty halls_**

 ** _How you haunt me_**

 _. . . ..._

. ...

Donna Paulsen can't sleep. She's tossed and turned for the past three hours, her mind running into the same conclusion on repeat.

 _Harvey ended his relationship over her leaving. Because Paula made him choose between them._

He asked her to come back and ended things with Paula.

Harvey chose _her_. She. Donna.

That in and of itself is...a game changer. Another piece on the board.

 _But the look he gave her_...she can't shake it no matter what she does.

And somehow it makes her think about the things she's said to him, over the years.

 _"We put it out of our minds..."_

" _I'm not in love with you, Harvey."_

" _I love you, Harvey."_

" _Love me how?"_

" **I didn't feel anything when I kissed you."**

She had been pressured, and he had been angry, and she hadn't wanted to upset him. But he hadn't kissed her back in a way that made her certain and no matter how she felt if he didn't feel the same then that was that. She had wanted to save his relationship because that's what she does and that's what she's always done. Save him. Because it's what he wanted it. And she wants what he wants, in the best and worst possible ways imaginable.

Now all she can see is the look he gave her. Like it's her fault that he had to end his relationship. Like he's blaming her instead of just letting her go and be happy with the woman he wants.

Is this how it ends? In resentment of him having to give up another woman for her? Or is he mad because of other things?

Because he thinks he can't have what he wants.

The kiss affected him.

How, she doesn't know.

But what she does know is that she got him to fight for her. To put her first over a relationship that she thought he wanted, and ran in to the moment she said she wanted 'more'.

She should be relieved. But instead, all she feels is guilt.

Because... _ **she lied**_.

Like she always seems to do.

To save him from the truth. Always.

She wonders now, if the lies are starting to build a wall between them.

 _And how long it will be until that lie comes back to haunt her in another form._

 _.. .. . ._

 ** _All my wounds are open wide_**

 ** _They won't heal while you're inside_**

 ** _Try to clear my troubled mind_**

 ** _Too many times_**

 ** _Together we bleed_**

 ** _But I won't heal so_**

 ** _Say you'll always haunt me_**

 ** _Say you'll always haunt me_**

 ** _And in your arms, I know_**

 ** _Oh, I feel you close so_**

 ** _Say you'll always haunt me_**

 ** _Say you'll always haunt me_**

 _\- 'Ghost' By WILDES_

. . ...


End file.
